FOR GOD'S SAKE, GET ME OUT OF HERE!

YES, YOU CAN STILL BUY YOUR WAY OUT OF PURGATORY!!!

You can't stand being teased and tantalized with tidbits one cybersecond more. I don't blame you.

I hate being teased.

Especially by tidbits.

I do, however, have a solution that will ease your curiosity and my debt.

If you purchase a copy of my firstborn, See Dick Deconstruct: Literotica for the Satirically Bent, from my publisher's parent company's online store, I promise to autograph it. Click the 'shop' button and scroll down until you see my baby. And remember to put 'Ian sent me' somewhere in your order. And it's as good as done.

There's no miracle discount. But you get the priceless keepsake of my illegible scrawl. And a book of filth fine enough for the gentlefolk at the Lambda Literary Foundation to award it a Lambda Literary Award.

Why, that's a class act all around.

As for my other collection and the books I've edited with my husband Greg Wharton, they can be yours for a hearty pittance by clicking here or here or here.

And yes, I'll autograph any of those. I'll even autograph books I didn't write. I'm a brazen bookworm, am I!